complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
