Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
