before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
