What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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