There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
