An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
