Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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