I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
