Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
then he tried to convert me to islam
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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