There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
