cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm sobbing to NWA
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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