I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
