Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
