eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This can only be settled by a dance off.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
