Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
