Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
