I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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