I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
