Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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