Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
