drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
