I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
