my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
they need to just BURY HIM!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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