is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
