oh god the rape fog is back!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize