i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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