I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
