Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
