Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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