I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
