Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
