Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
