ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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