I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
