Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
