Operation Purity has been aborted
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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