Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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