Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
