i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
