i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
