You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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