My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
His nipple licking is glorious
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