Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
