We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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