So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
