absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
