oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
