Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Randomize
