Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
