So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
this hospital has no fireball
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
