Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
