Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
