We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
