it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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