I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
