Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
