Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
