Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
