Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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