Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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