I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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