how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize