can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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