i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Found your dick twin last night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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