Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
