so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
