Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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