Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
