i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
