He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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