Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
