So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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