he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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