i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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