so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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