is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
